Wednesday, December 19, 2012

'Tis The Season

A Mommy Is Made has been on hiatus for awhile.  
Not because I didn't want to write.  But because I just haven't had the time.  Or the energy.  Or the patience.  
But it's a season of hope and joy and giving and love.  A season of believing. 
I'm reminded of that every time I look at my children.  Every morning that Mackenzie runs downstairs, anxiously searching for the Elf on the Shelf.  
She cooked him breakfast this morning.  And was delighted to find that -- after several hours -- the Elf had eaten everything she had prepared for him.  The apple juice, the milk, the vegetables, the fruit, the pasta... I can go on and on.  

Sunday, September 30, 2012

Project Street Festival

Street festivals...
One of many things you do with children in an effort to prove to yourself that you can still live a normal life.
Welcome to the NEW normal...
Last Saturday the Rohrbeck clan ventured a county over (!) to a community event that was advertised as "kid friendly". What an oxymoron.
Not that I believe kids to be unfriendly. I just don't see any fun in toting a toddler and an infant to a crowded street fair in 80 degree weather during lunch and nap time.
The parking!
The lines!
The traffic!
We were doomed.

Monday, September 10, 2012

Dear Major Grocery Store Chain,

Thank you for being there today...
When I needed to do a quick run after Mackenzie's gym class and before lunchtime and nap time.
The produce department at your Springfield, VA location rivals that of any other supermarket in my immediate area.
Unfortunately my "quick" trip turned into an epic event I'd like to forget as soon as this blog post is published.
For one thing, please add some cart returns to your massive parking lot so I don't have to leave two screaming children in my car while I sprint back to the store so as not to be a royal a-hole to other customers. (No, I won't just leave my cart in the lot. Not so much for the sake of principle. It's more a matter of fear... Fear that someone I know will catch me and discover that I am, in fact, an a-hole).
If you're capable of having 15 checkout lanes please have some common courtesy and open more than one of those lanes to paying customers. And no, self-checkout lanes don't count.
While we're at it... How about a little time management training for your various employees who - instead of manning the vacant registers - pretend to be doing some sort of work as they aimlessly peruse each aisle.
I must have had six different people ask if I was finding everything OK, when all I really needed was someone to get my groceries rung up in less than five minutes.
Newsflash - this wasn't my first time in a grocery store. I think I can figure out where the milk is, thanks.
I can go on and on with my complaints but I'm a lady and won't crap all over your store because the truth is I will continue to shop there.
But how about a little bedside manner for those roving employees who were all too concerned with my five-month-old screaming bloody murder.
No, he was not sick. He was hungry and tired.
Yes, I do know that there's no milk coming out of his thumb when he sucks it.
Yes, I do realize that my toddler has thrown her empty squeezable fruit pouch on the floor. Twice.
No, I'm not having a great day.
Yes, I do have my hands full. Thank you, Captain Obvious.
Disgruntled Customer and Mom of Two

Saturday, August 25, 2012

Who Needs Perfection?

Lately I've been humbled... 
Reminded that I am NOT a perfect mother or housekeeper. 
I waited too long for a diaper change and Braden had a massive blowout. Out of the diaper, up the back, down the leg. 
I accidentally deleted Mackenzie's second favorite "Olivia" episode from the DVR. 
My floors are sticky. 
There are enough dust bunnies under the couch to stuff a duvet (Remember duvets? I haven't had the time or patience for one of those in years.)
Clean clothes sit in my dryer for days. 
I've reused sippy cups. 
I've served chocolate milk over regular milk more times than I care to admit. 
Lunch for Mackenzie often consists of whatever I can put on a plate in T-minus five seconds. 
There's crusted spit up on the car seat straps (AGAIN). 
Mackenzie burned herself on a lamp in my bedroom because I told her she needed to leave the nursery while I put Braden to sleep.  
Thanks to postpartum hormones my hair loss is officially out of control and my bathroom floor looks like Big Foot spent the night on it.
Even the pizza delivery guy chastised me for not watering the flowers on my front steps.  
The pediatrician was astonished by Braden's weight gain at his appointment the other day.  Little Man is back up to the 20th percentile and is doing just great.
And Mackenzie can't seem to get enough baby spinach and tomatoes.  
She even turned down the notion of an ice cream run today and opted instead for an ACTUAL run on the trail behind our house.  Naturally, she talked me into some jumping jacks and burpees along the way.  
So tonight when I go to bed and think about the dead impatiens and the dirty hardwood floors and the wrinkled laundry I'll take solace in the fact that my kids are happy and healthy.  What more could a less-than-perfect mommy ask for? 

Monday, August 6, 2012

We. Are. Mom.

I used to write this blog with great ease and efficiency.  That was back before Mackenzie spent the day asking me a million questions about unimportant things and insisting that she dress herself.  And before I had another baby. 
Now things aren't so simple.  But today served as a reminder for why I started writing this "living" journal in the first place.  So as not to forget.  I never wanted to forget this experience.  The good, the bad, and the ugly.  

Thursday, July 19, 2012

10 Things I Never Thought I'd Let My Toddler Do

1) Eat candy at breakfast (gimme a break, she was sick)

2) Listen to the Beastie Boys

3) Watch more than an hour of TV in one day

4) Play in the medicine cabinet (relax, she was supervised)

5) Have her own iPhone (in my defense it doesn't have full service)

6) Prance around the house naked

7) Eat in her bed, her car seat, or her stroller

8) Have her own Facebook page (kidding!!!)

9) Sit in a restaurant high chair without a protective cover (gasp!)

10) See me cry

Sunday, July 8, 2012

Sleep Training: 102

First lesson... Turns out, everything you learned in Sleep Training: 101 doesn't apply here.
At least not for us.
Seven months ago when Mackenzie decided it was time to scale her crib like a ninja we were forced to transition her to a toddler bed. We spent countless hours reading various parenting blogs and forums, each promising a different fail-proof sleep training regimen that would result in restful nights for all.
We settled for the old cry-it-out approach, a technique that worked fairly well for us when Mackenzie was still in her crib. Tough love? Maybe. But to each his own.
Of course, cry it out only works if the child is unable to escape. So, piled on the mean parenting train was the fact that we shut Mackenzie's door -- which we baby proofed -- essentially trapping her inside.
This decision became slightly easier for us after it was endorsed by the pediatrician's office. The doctor explained that a toddler needs to know that she has to sleep in her own bed and that cozying up with mommy and daddy is not an option. (Of course, exceptions are made in certain circumstances, such as when the child is sick.) Since Doug and I had agreed long ago that co-sleeping wasn't for us, we felt this was our best bet.
Our plan worked. The first night was living hell... Forty straight minutes of miserable, blood-curdling screaming. But after that Mackenzie was able to get herself to sleep peacefully. On the rare occasion that she woke up in the middle of the night, she was capable of going back to bed on her own.
But that all changed within the last few months, and one can only imagine that the disruption in sleep pattern had something to do with the fact that Mackenzie turned two and/or that she became a big sister.
We went from a seemingly independent sleeper to a master manipulator. Mackenzie started throwing tantrums at bedtime, kicking her door with what seemed like super human force, screaming at the top of her lungs, and - when we broke down and succumbed to her bedroom floor in an effort to appease her - playing mind games with us for hours: "I want blanket", "I don't want blanket", "I want pillow", "No pillow", "I want bunny", "I want baby", "No bunny", "No baby"... You get the picture.
Her conniving little games culminated in an all-out takeover within the last couple of weeks. That girl had us wrapped around her finger and I knew we just had to put an end to it. She knew the door kicking would drive us crazy. So she kept doing it. And eventually we caved in and stuck with her until she fell asleep. Which ended up being anywhere between 9 pm and sometimes 11 pm. And then it started all over at 3 or 4 or 5.
Ultimately, Doug and I have spent the better part of the summer curled up on Mackenzie's floor with one arm draped over the bed railing holding her hand. Try to make a premature escape and BOOM! she squeezes even harder as if to say, "You're mine. I rule this house. You will do as I say. And tonight you're keeping your ass on this floor as long as I want you there."
So after countless mornings waking up sore and stiff I had finally had enough.
We needed change.
Our solution? Leave the door open.
How, you ask, do we ensure that she stays in her room?
By standing outside of it and escorting
her to bed each time she gets up.
And over
And over
And over.
And depending on who you ask you can say something like, "Stay in bed and I'll be back in five minutes to check on you."
Like she has any concept of five minutes.
Or you can say nothing. Because making her feel ignored and unloved is really helpful and effective.
So we're seeing what works for us, staying consistent with the toddler walk of shame, back into the bedroom. Back under the covers.
So far Mackenzie has been trying her hand at every possible stall tactic...
"I have boogies."
"I have a boo boo."
"I have poops."
"I have pee pee."
"I'm scared of something."
Doug points out that these pleas for attention would work on us if they weren't lumped together. I'd go running to rescue Mackenzie if she simply cried, "Something hurts." But when it's paired with "I have snots" or "I want chocolate milk" I'm not as inclined to tend to the boy who cried wolf. (Note to self: bad idea to ever let her taste chocolate milk!)
Admittedly, my biggest fear is that Mackenzie is too damn manipulative for someone who's barely two. She knows how to push our buttons. And I'm starting to think that she just might be smarter than I am. But if we let her win, no one in this house will ever sleep again...
Except, perhaps Braden, who has endured so much noise he's now capable of sleeping through anything.

Friday, June 22, 2012

Wet Happened?

Mackenzie is a human sponge lately... absorbing more than I ever thought a 2 year old was capable of. She's repeating everything she hears (not so great when she has a mother who still needs to curb her potty mouth), remembering small details from throughout the day (not so great when she tells daddy that mommy tooted that afternoon), and asking a million and one questions (not so great when mommy is sleep-deprived and the patience tank is running on empty).
As we were leaving a restaurant last week after a nice family dinner where all the chips seemed to fall into place and the four of us actually managed to join the rest of the world for an hour of normalcy, Mackenzie ever-so-sweetly pointed aimlessly and asked, "What's this, Mommy?"
"What's what, Mackenzie?"
"This," she said, again pointing at nothing in particular.
"This is life," I half sighed, for no reason other than lack of a better answer.
Doug laughed, shaking his head. I guess I wasn't very convincing.
I thought about my answer.
Seemed to me like a reasonable response. Then I thought about Mackenzie's question and I thought about my answer again.
Why wasn't I clever?
Why didn't I take her breath away with some fairy tale explanation?
Because I'm a mom just like many of you. And sometimes we don't have all the answers despite the cold, hard fact that moms are supposed to have all the answers.
It dawned on me that before long Mackenzie will be asking why the sky is blue, why the grass is green, why, why, why...
And I realize I'm going to need to polish up on my storytelling skills.
You'd think that I would've worked on them in the week since the big "life" lesson.
But you know me better than that.
This afternoon Mackenzie helped me water the flowers... a little ritual we've started together. The only issue is that watering the flowers basically translates to Mackenzie watering her clothes and shoes.
She watched herself pour the water onto her feet, and immediately turned sour realizing that she had nothing left in her can.
"Wet happened?" she asked, looking confused and sad.
Of course, she wanted to know WHAT happened... but in her darling little toddler voice the "what" was "wet".
I explained that yes, in fact, wet happened. Wet happened all over her feet which were still soiled from the playground. And now we had to clean her feet before we tracked mud through the house. And we had to do it quickly because her poor little brother was all alone inside taking a nap.
Like she cared.
All she wanted was more water to dump all over herself.
Which is exactly what I gave her.
And she was a happy little girl again.
And I realized that I may not have all the answers all the time. That I might take the lazy route sometimes because I'm too tired to use my imagination. That I may be cynical sometimes because I miss the days where dinner out on a Saturday night meant great adult conversation paired with enjoyable adult beverages... and it didn't involve coloring between courses or counting the cars that passed out the window.
But I also realized that more often than not I love teaching an inquisitive and curious little person about the world and all its wonder. And I love seeing the look on her face when she discovers something new.

Saturday, June 9, 2012

#needtounplug (10 Signs You're Raising Kids in the Age of Social Media)

1) You often wonder why you're looking at pictures of someone else's kid on Facebook when your own child is sitting right next to you.

2) You've missed epic events, such as first smiles or first steps because you were waiting for the camera on your smart phone to focus.

3) You search Pinterest hoping it will help you become a more creative and innovative parent.

4) Your toddler can navigate YouTube on her own.

5) Google has become your go-to parenting guide.

6) You tweet your baby's birth stats from the delivery room.

7) Instead of calling the pediatrician's office when your child has a fever you ferociously search every open forum ever created on Baby Center looking for answers.

8) All 587 of your closest friends have seen your cervix, thanks to those 3D ultrasound pictures you posted on Facebook.

9) Your 2-year-old has figured out how to unlock your password-protected iPhone.

10) Instead of creating an intimate and private baby book to track your first born's milestones, you started a mommy blog to share the most intimate details of her young, innocent life with the general public.

Monday, June 4, 2012

Dear Mackenzie,

It's only been two years but I feel like I've known you forever.
Looking back at old pictures, I realize how quickly time flies. In a matter of months you have blossomed into a little girl who - on most days - takes my breath away. Despite your tender age, you've already shown what a sensitive, affectionate and caring person you are. I take pride in seeing how well you share with others, and how truly charismatic you can be.
Then, of course, there are the days where you remind me how everything is "mines" and you stubbornly refuse to give me hugs and kisses. The days where you choose to kick your bedroom door rather than nap. The days where nothing I do is good enough.
But oh... dear, sweet Mackenzie. I love you. I love you more than you'll ever know.
I love the way you laugh. I love your beautiful smile. I love how you feel curled up next to me reading a book.
I could never imagine a life where I wasn't able to watch you sleep or splash in the bath or run around a playground. And although there are days when I think how being back at work would make my life so much easier, I would miss making pork chops in your play kitchen and eating lunch by your side... despite the fact that nothing, not even my lunch, is mine anymore.
But with everything you've taken from me... my sanity, my freedom, my body... You've been the best thing I could ever have asked for in life.
Happy birthday, munchkin. I'd give you the world if I could.

Saturday, May 26, 2012

To The Military Moms...

For giving birth without your spouse by your side,
For picking up the family and moving from state to state and country to country just when you're starting to get settled,
For every bath time and bedtime you handle all alone,
For mowing the lawn, and paying the bills, and taking out the trash and doing the cooking and cleaning and laundry,
For every long day and lonely night,
For every time you help with homework and practice throwing a ball,
For every tear shed and each prayer said,
For every holiday and birthday missed,
For staying strong when overwhelmed with fear,
For all the night wakings and double ear infections and temper tantrums you have faced alone,
And for those who have ever had to bear the unthinkable burden of explaining to your children why Daddy isn't coming home,
We salute you. Today and always.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Just Wait...

Give it time...
It WILL get better.
These are all things we tell new moms or second (or third or fourth) timers when they have a newborn.
I remember feeling so defeated after having Mackenzie, hopelessly wondering when things would improve. When would she stop being so fussy? When would she be less of a pooping, sleeping blob and actually be fun? When would she start sleeping better? When would I feel some sort of connection with my new daughter?
I was told to just wait. Just wait until six weeks, eight weeks, three months, six months.
And then it all suddenly happened.
She started sleeping through the night. She could sit up on her own. She was developing a personality and becoming more of a little girl and less of a baby.
And then, suddenly, I missed her being a baby. I missed the sweet feeling of her falling asleep on my chest. I missed the little socks and the kitchen sink baths and the gassy smiles and the soft, quilted Pampers Swaddlers.
And you'd think I would have learned my lesson. Learned not to wish time away.
But I already find myself wondering when Braden, now eight weeks old, will be able to nurse less frequently and sleep for longer stretches. When will he be able to self soothe and fit into bigger clothes. I'm already sick of the infant carseat and drenched burp cloths and cluster feeding.
Really??? Now that I know how quickly the time goes I'm STILL looking forward to the next set of milestones?
Yes, really. Because I'm tired. And I look forward to the day when I can bathe two kids at once and they can be best buddies and play in the yard together. I know I'll be nostalgic for the new baby smell and the tender, curled up cuddles. But I won't miss having to pry Mackenzie off of Braden when he's doing tummy time. Or rushing through her bath because he's crying in his crib and I just don't have enough hands to make everyone happy all the time.
But this is one of the burdens of motherhood. We run ourselves into the ground taking care of our kids and there just aren't enough hours in the day. Not enough time for the laundry and the cooking and the cleaning. And most importantly not enough time to enjoy our kids as much as we want to. They simply grow up too fast. And we become so busy with the responsibilities that come with mothering that we often forget how fleeting time can be.
So moms, take a second to stop and embrace the moment. It will be gone in a flash.

Monday, May 14, 2012

Overheard In My House

* Don't put your hand down your diaper
* We don't eat our boogies
* What did we say about kicking the door?
* Chairs aren't for standing
* What is your problem!?!?!?!
* Stop touching your pee pee
* Just go to sleep!
* Leave your brother alone, he's not a doll
* Elmo is taking a break
* Oh boy! Broccoli candy!
* Your shoes are on the wrong feet but good try
* You're okay, that wasn't a bad fall
* You can't follow the exterminator around calling him Bug Man
* Did you poop?
* Stop whining!
* Let's calm down a little bit
* Don't put that in your mouth
* Are you kidding me?!?!?!
* Stop climbing on the ____
* Is it bedtime yet?

Monday, May 7, 2012

Somewhere Between Tummy Time and Potty Time

Somewhere between tummy time and potty time you'll find me...

* Tripping over toys
* Nursing during a tea party
* Drowning in laundry
* Plotting an escape
* Lying spread eagle at the Obgyn with one child projectile spitting up and the other trying to get a good look at what's going on between the stirrups
* Scouring Pinterest for anything that will a) keep my toddler preoccupied for 30 minutes and b) get my toddler to like broccoli again
* Wondering if I've forgotten any thank you cards
* Trying to plan a birthday party
* Cursing the people who don't hold the door for a woman lugging a car seat and dragging a distracted 2-year-old by the sleeve... As if chivalry and basic human decency automatically die as soon as someone decides to have more than one child... Like these people are trying to teach me a lesson or something
* Musing at how my eyebrows have been so terribly neglected that they now resemble a prepubescent boy's mustache
* Counting the seconds until tummy time (aka baby torture) concludes
* Pumping while preparing breakfast and washing dishes
* Unclipping every piece of baby gear that Mackenzie has fastened shut
* Drowning in more laundry
* Attempting to mop up the regurgitated breast milk that has pooled in my cleavage
* Searching for time to brush my teeth, go to the bathroom, and blog
* Hating the Kay Jewelers commercial featuring a perfect looking, well rested couple with a newborn. Those two are much too enthusiastic about getting up to feed their baby and neither one looks the least bit sleep deprived.
* Wondering where Mackenzie gets her energy and trying to figure out what happened to my own
* Forcing myself to remember that everything is just a phase
* Changing too many diapers
* Sitting patiently while Mackenzie tries to pee in the potty and making sure not to get too annoyed when she falls into the bowl (she doesn't want to use her toddler size seat, go figure)
* Trying to maintain a semblance of sanity
Mommy readers... where are YOU?

Sunday, April 29, 2012

It Takes Two

Never did I think that having a second child could make me twice the lunatic I already was. But at this point in my life nothing seems more true than this: kids make us crazy.
In fact, I'm starting to believe that children are put on this earth to slowly and painfully send their parents into a state of sheer madness. Thus, the circle of life. We drive our makers to lunacy, only to be repaid the same gesture by our offspring.
Have your kids pushed you to the point of "certifiable"?
Mine have... And the youngest is only a month old.

Sunday, April 22, 2012

Just What I Needed

Yesterday Mackenzie told me I was the best mommy in the whole world
I think Doug may have bribed her with candy. 
Either way, it was exactly what I needed.
For some stupid reason a part of me thought that having a second child would be easy. Or at least easier than it was to have the first child.  

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Somebody To Lean On

Nobody said it was easy.
Sure, anyone can become a parent. THAT'S the simple part.
Being a GOOD parent is what's difficult. A parent who is patient when their child wants to sit on the potty forever but only produces a little bit of gas. A parent who drops everything to attend a tea party with the cast of Sesame Street. A parent who - despite sheer exhaustion - will spend hours curled up on the floor whispering story after story to a restless toddler who refuses to sleep.

Friday, March 30, 2012

A Mommy Is Made Again

I'm a planner.
A former news producer.
The type of person who makes lists for other lists for more lists.
My wedding was choreographed to the T -- the DJ was provided a laminated set list and the catering director was given a 3-ring binder outlining the day's events. There were footnotes and asterisks galore.
So naturally when I was "blessed" with a scheduled C-section for this pregnancy, I was elated to have an opportunity to once again put on my producer shoes.
There was a plan in place to ensure that Mackenzie was properly taken care of, that every nook and cranny in my house had been cleaned, that my fridge was abundantly stocked and -- most importantly -- that my toes were perfectly manicured.
As it turns out, nature is the mother of all mothers and Baby # 2 was determined to make his entrance into the world 16 days earlier than his due date and nine days before his scheduled Cesarean birth. All the planning -- regardless of the producer's attention to detail and despite her controlling manner -- went flying out the window as fast as labor progressed.
Braden Douglas Rohrbeck's early arrival meant having our neighbor run over to stay with Mackenzie until my parents arrived, dust bunnies lingering in corners, more condiments than milk in our fridge, and chipped polish on my toenails... a fact I lamented on the operating table as the Obgyn starting cutting.
Alas, all was forgotten once I heard that cry. Tears of joy filled my eyes as my son was lifted in the air all naked and exposed and perfect.
My biggest fear throughout this pregnancy was that I wouldn't have enough love to go around. How can anyone or anything replace the adoration you have for your first born? How do you carry enough love to share it equally among your children? How can the second ever be as special as the first?
My love for Braden began long before he made his grand entrance into the world. There's nothing quite like the experience you have as a mother carrying your baby in the womb. The bond you feel is instantaneous and only grows stronger with time. But I still had my doubts. How would I ever be able to love someone the way I love Mackenzie?
As I held Braden for the first time I realized that -- indeed -- we are built with an unlimited capacity for unconditional, unwavering, undying love for all of our children. The only thing that changes with a new baby is the size of our hearts, which make room for more love.

Monday, March 26, 2012

10 Reasons My Hospital Stay Will Be Like a Vacation

1) Catheter = No need to get up and pee every 10 minutes.

2) When else will I be able to stay in bed all day long?

3) Pudding, Jell-O, ice pops

4) Doug will be on diaper duty for at least the first 48 hours.

5) I won't have to bathe anyone... Including myself.

6) The meds are amazing.

7) No laundry, no dishes, no fixing dinner, no cleaning up toys

8) The only nap time I have to worry about is my own.

9) I can wear my "sick pants" and no one will judge me.

10) Disposable underwear, baby. Yeah!

Monday, March 19, 2012

Why I'm a Mean, Mean Mommy

Ah spring...
The daffodils are in bloom, the windows are open, and my neighbors are once again thinking about calling Child Protective Services on me.  
For whatever reason, I was blessed with a special child. A child with super-human lung capacity. A child whose voice echoes a million miles over. A child who is just plain loud.
And with her recent desire to "express herself" (my mother's euphemism, not mine) Mackenzie has proven her ability to grow louder the older she gets.  The payoff? I'm left bearing the burden.  The burden of being  a mean, mean mommy... One who (gasp!) does everything in her power to keep her child safe and happy. I know what you're thinking... THE NERVE! 

Sunday, March 11, 2012


Some say it's the greatest gift of all.
Others say it will suck the life right out of you.
I say...
Both statements are true.
Becoming a parent will turn your world upside down. Suddenly your entire existence revolves around someone else. Yeah, this is sort of what we tell ourselves when we get married... In sickness and in health, 'til death do us part. But the love you have for your children is something else entirely. There's nothing quite like it.

Sunday, March 4, 2012

You Know You're The Mother of a Toddler When...

* You find cups of sour milk hidden around your house
* Random household items suddenly go missing
* It's Elmo's world and you're just living in it
* You stress about the cost of preschool
* Your next biggest investment is under eye concealer
* The time has come to check your potty mouth at the door
* You've mastered the art of steering while shoving various snacks and toys back towards the car seat
* Public tantrums no longer bother you; in fact, you've had quite a few yourself
* You chuckle at the frantic and frightened parents-to-be roaming around Babies R' Us and Buy Buy Baby, all the while wishing you could tell them not to waste any more money baby-proofing and that a couple of falls down the stairs won't cause too much harm
* You've learned that you can stockpile all the Wet Wipes in the universe and still end up with a snotty-nose kid
* You're not the only one saying "No" these days
* Your house has been transformed into a jungle gym
* Your weekly grocery bill has increased substantially in the last several months
* Everything that was once yours is now theirs; just today I had to share my breakfast, lunch, dinner, and even my shower
* You've come to learn that the "Terrible Twos" can strike months before the second birthday 
* Being all alone at the soft play room on a rainy afternoon is your equivalent of hitting the jackpot 
* You can be teetering on the verge of tears and your child will do something that makes you laugh until you do actually cry... Like when Mackenzie made me kiss both of her hands today.  NO JOKE.  
* It's become second nature to refer to that glass of wine/cup of tea/can of soda as "Mommy's special juice."
* You end each day wondering how your little blob of a baby suddenly turned all grown up. 

Sunday, February 26, 2012

10 Reasons My Kid Needs a Longer Attention Span

I get it. 
She's not even two. 
I should appreciate the fact that she's still able to sit (relatively) still in the stroller while I exercise for an hour every day.
But would it kill Mackenzie to be interested in something for at least the amount of time it takes to fold a load of laundry?
I sometimes fantasize about how much different my life would be if she would just stop and smell the roses.  Or maybe just one... One. Single. Rose.
Here are 10 reasons why she needs a longer attention span... stat! 

Saturday, February 18, 2012

Project Play Kitchen

As soon as I discovered Pinterest I was hooked.  
But nothing in the "Pinterverse" -- as Doug calls it -- was more enticing than the adorable homemade play kitchens I found there. I decided that Mackenzie just HAD. TO. HAVE. ONE. 
I realize that I'm a little behind on this craze, but to be honest I never really paid much attention to these things before having a toddler.  

Monday, February 13, 2012

I'm Pregnant and I Know It

Thirty-one week Obgyn appointment...
Seems simple enough, right?
Unless you're me -- easily annoyed to begin with, and downright crazy when you throw some pregnancy hormones into the mix.
Which is why my otherwise easy Friday left me rolling my eyes and huffing and puffing to the point that steam was coming out of my ears. 
Let's start with the fact that I was running a few minutes late for my appointment, and probably looked somewhat frantic schlepping Mackenzie through the horrendous maze of a parking lot at the doctor's office. As I breathlessly entered the elevator -- 31-weeks pregnant toting a 25-lb. toddler, mind you -- the woman next to me had the nerve -- the NERVE! -- to remark, "You need to get him walking soon."

Monday, February 6, 2012


It seems that the "terrible twos" have descended upon our house a little earlier than anticipated, with Mackenzie's behavior ranging from bad to worse to downright nerve-racking. That said, she sure has a knack for quickly reminding me just how wonderfully sweet she is deep down inside.
I'm told that the tantrums she's resorted to are merely a matter of her age, though I suspect the fact that she's having a baby brother in two months has something to do with it as well. Regardless of the cause, it's a bit rough on a parent to witness these episodes. They don't last long but they're extremely unpleasant, not to mention scary.

Monday, January 30, 2012

10 Reasons to Just Do It

No... I'm not talking about doing the deed, the nasty, the wild thing, or -- as that classy braud Deena from "Jersey Shore" puts it -- "doing sex".
No... That's how we got here, remember? That's how we went from skinny jeans to Spanx. From mini skirts to mini vans. From cocktail hours to witching hours.
I'm talking about getting our asses off the couch and getting moving. Elmo will still be there when we get back.

Monday, January 23, 2012

Crazy Love

The other day I made the mistake of telling Doug that I was sick of Mackenzie. I knew better than to share my true, unvarnished feelings: I was ready to toss her out the window.
Mothers are not supposed to talk this way. Even when they don't really mean it. We are expected to embrace the ever chaotic world of maternal bliss and cherish each waking moment with our children.
Yeah, good luck with that.

Monday, January 16, 2012

10 Signs My First May Not Be Ready For My Second

Three months left until Number Two graces us with his presence and so far Mackenzie has shown remarkable interest in the Baby In Mommy's Belly. But while she's demonstrated impressive talent when it comes to caring for her baby dolls (diaper changes that rival mine as a new mom, for example) I'm a bit concerned for her new brother.
Here are ten signs my first baby may not be ready for her big sister role...

Monday, January 9, 2012

Let It Snow...

Just don't make me go out in it. At least not very often.
That's how I felt after spending 30 grueling minutes gearing up for what ended up being a ten minute walk with Mackenzie this afternoon.
I saw it coming.
I wasn't going to give in.
But I caved.

Monday, January 2, 2012

In The Moment

Every January I welcome the new year with open arms...
I embrace the change. I look forward to seeking new horizons.
But when the clock struck midnight to give birth to 2012, my heart skipped a beat.
Holy crap. We're having a baby. Another one.
In just three months.
Where has the time gone?
My first pregnancy seemed to progress at a snail's pace. As each week passed, all I thought was, "When the heck is this going to be over?"
Now I feel like I'm in a race against time. And as the arrival of Baby Number Two looms, I can't help but freak out... even more than I normally do.