Monday, March 19, 2012

Why I'm a Mean, Mean Mommy

Ah spring...
The daffodils are in bloom, the windows are open, and my neighbors are once again thinking about calling Child Protective Services on me.  
For whatever reason, I was blessed with a special child. A child with super-human lung capacity. A child whose voice echoes a million miles over. A child who is just plain loud.
And with her recent desire to "express herself" (my mother's euphemism, not mine) Mackenzie has proven her ability to grow louder the older she gets.  The payoff? I'm left bearing the burden.  The burden of being  a mean, mean mommy... One who (gasp!) does everything in her power to keep her child safe and happy. I know what you're thinking... THE NERVE! 

Heaven forbid I keep my child from cracking her head open on the concrete steps outside our house.
Or I don't allow her to run into the street to fetch an errant ball.
Or I prevent her from eating a rock down by the creek when we take our afternoon walk.
What a terrible mother I am for washing her hair in the bath.
Or heating her leftovers instead of serving them cold.
Or taking away the sour milk in order to give her a fresh cup.
What kind of mother dares to change a dirty diaper or wipe a snotty nose or brush her daughter's teeth?
A mean, mean mommy.
A mommy who won't allow her toddler to watch TV all day long.
A mommy who insists on holding hands when crossing the street.
A mommy who thinks it best not to drink the toilet water.
Or eat food off the ground.
Or shove raisins up our noses.
A mother who forces her toddler to drink her milk and take her naps and say "please" and "thank you".
My neighbors probably assume there are terrible, terrible things happening in my house. The truth is that I would feel the same way if I heard Mackenzie wailing through open windows.
So for now -- and until the air conditioning is on for a good duration of time -- I'm honestly just waiting for the day when the authorities show up at my door with an order to remove Mackenzie from such a toxic, dangerous, unstable environment. But my guess is that as soon as CPS hears her scream they'll turn right back around and leave her on my doorstep.


  1. I must be another mean, mean mommy just down the street!

    However, I was unable to prevent my child from falling face first off the walkway steps onto the pavement yesterday and he has the bloody bump to prove it.

    I was also that mom today who gave up reasoning with her two 2 year olds in the street as they laid IN THE MIDDLE of it kicking and screaming because they didn't want to hold my hand on a walk that they begged to take. SO, they were taken (ok, kind of yanked and dragged) through three front yards back to our own where they proceeded to cry for Daddy until he got home (no worries, just a few minutes:)). And thank goodness he arrived a little early today.

  2. LOL, my 2 year old feels her pain. Mean moms unite!