Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Saved By Nicki Minaj

As far as I'm concerned, there's nothing worse than the high-pitched shriek that Mackenzie has managed to master in the last week. If you thought the sound of nails on a chalkboard was the most blood-curdling thing you could ever hear, think again.
This scream is not only embarrassing, it's downright stroke-inducing. I think Mackenzie may actually be trying to kill me. There's no other reason for making such a terrible noise.

Sunday, August 28, 2011

When Mommy's Ego Needs Massaging

When our group of Stroller Strides moms meets at the local park here in Northern Virginia we're typically not looking to win any beauty pageants. 
Don't get me wrong. 
We look good.  We take care of our bodies.  We are strong and we are in shape. 
But the majority of us haven't showered (we're there for our morning workout, after all).  We are most often bare-faced, with the traces of a sleepless night evident in our under-eye circles. 

Thursday, August 25, 2011

10 Signs YOU Need A Time Out (A Real One)

1) Normal things exhaust you.
Preparing dinner goes something like this: squinting through teary eyes while chopping an onion and using your left foot to block your toddler from climbing into the open dishwasher and stabbing herself with a steak knife.

2) You're beginning to scare yourself.
You've actually considered putting your child up for auction on eBay, leaving them screaming in the shopping cart at Target, or running away from home.

3) You're taking things out on innocent bystanders.
The person calling from the Lupus Foundation is just looking for a donation pledge.  She doesn't need to hear how difficult your day has been.

Monday, August 22, 2011

Mommy Time

We try, we really do.  
We make valiant efforts to get out the door on time. 
But like it or not, something inevitably happens to keep us from being prompt.  
Once you have a kid there's nothing easy about anything anymore.  And there's nothing simple or quick about getting someplace when you're supposed to.  

Friday, August 19, 2011


This may come as a surprise to you, but there are days when I think motherhood is anything but a walk in the park.  In fact, on many occasions I find myself fantasizing about sending Mackenzie off to boarding school.  
I kid, of course.  
Boarding school would mean that she'd have to come back at some point.  
OK, OK.  
In all seriousness, I love my daughter to death and have a hard time spending a measly few hours away from her.  But if you've been following this blog you won't be shocked to learn that there are times when I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown and -- despite my undying and unconditional love for Mackenzie -- I sometimes wonder why I ever chose to take on the most challenging job in the world.  
But these are the moments in which Mackenzie pulls me back from the brink.  
Here's how she does it... 

Monday, August 15, 2011

Two-Letter Words You Don't Want To Hear

When you have a kid, four-letter words ought to disappear from your vocabulary.  While this is easier said than done, most of us at least make an effort to stop dropping F-Bombs in the presence of our children.  (Except for one friend whose potty mouth has rubbed off on his daughter, who -- at least once or twice -- has called people fucking assholes.)
But what about those nasty little two-letter words that keep getting us into trouble? How will we ever manage to censor ourselves?

Thursday, August 11, 2011

I Am Woman, Hear Me Roar

On a recent shopping trip to... WAIT FOR IT... Target, I discovered a new genre in greeting cards: Mom-to-Mom/Woman-to-Woman.  As I searched for a birthday card for my sister I came upon a shocking category: Menopause.   I gasped, loudly enough so that the guy next to me (who was presumably NOT shopping for menopause cards) turned and looked to see if I was okay.  

Monday, August 8, 2011

Little Miss Fancy Pants

I recently came to the sad conclusion that my maternity outfits are the coolest clothes in my closet.    Everything else that I like is either stained or torn or just plain old.  Half of the skirts I own are too short for my current lifestyle and the majority of my tops and pants would still be wearable if only I went to an office everyday.  My dilemma is not uncommon for a mother who spends almost the entire day in sweats.

Friday, August 5, 2011

Houston, We Have A Problem

Before Mackenzie was born, when I worked in news full-time, I felt like I was always in control.  A major story would break and I would know just how to handle it. 
Reagan dead? Saddam captured? I remained calm.  I was able to make split-second decisions.  I didn't break a sweat. 
But now that I've been working as a stay at home mom for over a year, I seem to have lost every last shred of control.  

Thursday, August 4, 2011

The Bombshell Babe

There is no doubt that 10-year-old French model Thylane Loubry Blondeau is beautiful.  And I don't believe that there is anything wrong with young girls appearing in fashion magazines.  But Blondeau's provocative photos in French Vogue are just downright troubling.  
My concern is twofold: How could anyone allow their prepubescent daughter to pose for photos that carry such sexual undertones, and what kind of message are these photos sending to young girls? 

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

The Burden of Motherhood

I've written tirelessly about the many "perks" that come with being a mom... the lack of sleep, the loss of independence, the general sense of selflessness.  
But a mother's biggest burden is her responsibility to protect her child, with the knowledge that she won't always be able to.