Wednesday, September 29, 2010

And You Thought I Was Cynical

On a recent trip to the grocery store during mommy prime time -- a.k.a Monday 11 a.m., also considered old people prime time -- I ran across a young woman who was dishing out parenting advice at the deli counter. 
Naturally I had Mackenzie buried in the shopping cart surrounded by mounds of produce and nonperishables.  
As I tried to weave my way through the dozen or so customers lollygagging around the case of Boar's Head ham, I was trapped by the grocery gabber
"How old?" she asked pointing to the car seat. 
"Almost 4 months," I replied, overestimating a bit since Mackenzie is a little plump for her age (90th percentile in weight, MUST SWITCH HER TO LIGHT BEER).
"Ohhh, you're still in the trenches," said my new friend. 

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Not So Fast

If there's one thing I've learned as a new mother it's not to get too cocky.  

Just when you think you've got it all figured out -- the 7 p.m. bedtime, the 2 a.m. diaper change, the 4-hour car ride -- the parenting gods come and poop all over your parade just to remind you that you're human and not infallible. 
I've learned this the hard way, despite multiple warnings from both my father and a good girlfriend who cautioned against getting the least bit confident or comfortable.  
After a brief taste of what it's like to get a good night's rest, I made the mistake of pronouncing my daughter a "great sleeper" as if she'd been training as a gymnast her entire life and had made it to the Olympics. 
That night she was up every two hours like in the early weeks post-partem. 

Monday, September 6, 2010

"Sommmmmmebody's hunnnnnngry!!!!"

What is it with total strangers who think they know what's best for your baby?

On this beautiful Labor Day I found myself at - of all places - the mall.
In my book, pushing a stroller at a moderate pace constitutes as cardio no matter where you are... and as long as I was doing something healthy I could live with the fact that I wasn't enjoying a perfect day outside.

But I digress.

So here we are, on Labor Day, at the mall, and I of course have a total game plan.
Exchange some clothes I received for the baby that aren't seasonal or already don't fit.
In and out, real quick, boom, boom, boom.
But it nevvvver works that way with a lil' one in tow.
The baby serves as a huge distraction for anyone within a two foot radius.
They have to "oooh" and "ahhhh" and give their assessment of your child's physical, mental, and behavioral state.