Friday, October 1, 2010

A Mommy's Top 10 List

10 Things I've Cursed Since Becoming A Mommy

1) snaps: whoever thought it would be wise to add a million of these tiny contraptions to baby clothes never wrestled my child

Mackenzie's "Fussy Pink" room 

2) Sherwin Williams: for thinking it would be cute to name a paint color "Fussy Pink"; I blame the company for every sleepless night I've had 

3) anything that plays one song over, and over, and over: 'nuf said

4) my husband my bathroom scale

5) telemarketers who have a knack for calling during nap time

6) my breast pump: makes expressing milk a cinch; makes your boobs look like something on a Discovery Channel special

7) the 22-year-old girl working at my gym who, upon hearing that I was canceling my membership because I had a baby, said, "Oh, are you, like, just, I mean, like really busy or something?"

8) the fact that I'm not brave enough to use the self-checkout lane at the grocery store; it sure would make my life a whole lot easier

9) stand-still traffic: the #1 cause of MMMs (Major Mackenzie Meltdowns)

Diaper Genie = Poop Smusher
10) the inventor of the Diaper Genie: for the fact that your great idea still requires me to dive elbow-deep into poopy diapers 

10 Things I Can't Live Without As A New Mommy

1) my patemm pad: recommended by my very hip urban mommy friends; it will save your ass -- and your baby's -- any time you have to perform a diaper change away from home 

2) waterproof changing pad liners: because my daughter thinks it's funny to projectile poop as I'm wiping her, then pee before I get a clean diaper under her butt

3) Kraft Mac n' Cheese and Fuddruckers: "fine dining" no longer exists in our vocabulary 

4) gripe water: for soothing little one's tummy; works like a charm

5) date nights

6) Jersey Shore: because every new mommy needs at least one guilty pleasure.  And hey, "The Situation" will surprise you with his parenting tips. You know that whole rule he has about waiting until the last minute to put a shirt on? Hello??? I cannot get dressed in anything remotely nice until we walk out the door. Otherwise it's pooped or barfed on almost instantly.

Loving the bouncy chair
7) daily walks/jogs with the BOB (check out Stroller Strides to find a fun class for you and baby!)

8) Fisher-Price Rainforest Bouncer: the only way I'm guaranteed a shower; yes, your baby will look as happy as the one in the picture

9) a good support network: so I don't lose my mind

10) wine: so I don't lose my mind AND I don't kill someone


  1. raintree bouncer was my resource for staying clean too! still cracking up over 6,7 and 10 lool

  2. Doug....Now that's what I call holding the "Bag"
    Jim Bushey