You didn't think I was being genuine with that title, did you?
My second pregnancy is like a trip to the DMV. It's painfully long and grueling but I know that in the end I'll be happy as a clam to have it over with.
I know, I know... I really need to stop sugar coating things. Geesh.
Granted, I didn't love being knocked up the first time around either. While most women revel in a state of pregnancy bliss, I tend to count down the days until it's over. Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think so. I just prefer not to get fat, have my skin stretch out, pee every five minutes, and feel sick for nine ten months. Sue me.
Anyway... Now that I've officially announced that there's a sequel to my original Lifetime movie, I thought I'd share my favorite things about Pregnancy Number Two: Revenge of Momzilla.
In case you live in a cave, here's a little newsflash for you: preschool ain't what it used to be.
Between applications, waiting lists, and tuition fees, you'd think you were sending your child off to Harvard.
Now, I'm not naive. I know I'm not the first person to express shock at the ludicrous nature of the preschool process these days. But it's important to me now because I'm dealing with it now. And the thing I find most shocking is how extremely opinionated people can be about when and where to send your kid to school. Did you hear that? They're opinionated about YOUR child's future. These are typically the same people who try to pressure you into finding out -- or not finding out -- the sex of your unborn baby. The same folks who think their position on nursing versus bottle-feeding is the right decision for YOUR family. Now, I have no qualms with these soothsayers, so long as their opinion doesn't conflict with my own.
If you are a mom, have a mom, or know a mom, chances are you understand that someone is always inevitably mad at mommy.
It just comes with the territory. Mothers always manage to come out looking like the bad guy, blamed for just about everything... even when their only crime is smothering their offspring with love and tenderness.
So when I happened to stumble upon the children's book, Mad At Mommy after story time at the library I was expecting to be delightfully surprised. I was looking forward to a lighthearted and witty story that would leave me misty-eyed and giggling.
But this kids' book has no business sitting on library shelves. At least not in my humble opinion.
I used to complain that I never get vacations anymore now that I'm a SAHM. I'm talking about vacations in the traditional sense, where I get time off from work. For now, there really is no time off from work, because when you're home with a kiddo 24/7 you don't get the benefits that come with an office job. Hell, I don't even get a bathroom break anymore.
I recently caught up with a friend who's expecting her first child in December.
She's the perfect pregnant girl: all belly, radiating a healthy glow, and eager and excited about becoming a mother.
I was flattered when she asked for advice and welcomed my parenting tips.
But I'm the kind of friend who tells the truth, so in hindsight she may regret even speaking to me in the first place.
A word of wisdom, folks... NEVER be 100% honest with a mom-to-be. It's just not fair.
Yep.
That's me. The Mamster. Mommy Hamster. At least that's how I feel lately.
Day in, day out. Run, run, run on my little hamster wheel.
Problem is, I never get anywhere.
And that, frankly, is exhausting, not to mention completely unfair.
Every time I clean up one mess another one appears.
For each piece of clothing I fold another one manages to make its way onto Mackenzie's head.
I can't put dinner plates away without her crawling into the dishwasher.
I can't put groceries away without her climbing into the fridge.
I often ask myself, What has happened to my life? I used to DO things. Now for every two steps forward, I take three steps back.
If I sound bitter it's because I am.
