Wednesday, October 26, 2011

The 10 Best Things About A Second Pregnancy

You didn't think I was being genuine with that title, did you? 
My second pregnancy is like a trip to the DMV.  It's painfully long and grueling but I know that in the end I'll be happy as a clam to have it over with.  
I know, I know... I really need to stop sugar coating things.  Geesh.  
Granted, I didn't love being knocked up the first time around either.  While most women revel in a state of pregnancy bliss, I tend to count down the days until it's over.  Does that make me a bad mother? I don't think so.  I just prefer not to get fat, have my skin stretch out, pee every five minutes, and feel sick for nine ten months.  Sue me. 
Anyway... Now that I've officially announced that there's a sequel to my original Lifetime movie, I thought I'd share my favorite things about Pregnancy Number Two: Revenge of Momzilla.  

1) For starters... It's totally awesome having to succumb to maternity pants two months earlier than you did when you were expecting Baby Number One.  Maybe this is why I still haven't taken any baby bump pictures this time.  It's too depressing.  Oh and yeah... I don't have time to take baby bump pictures.  I don't have time to clip my own fingernails these days.

2) What's better than being forced to share your snacks with a screaming toddler when you have a raging headache and are on the verge of fainting? Nothing! 

3) Sleep is overrated.  Who needs to sleep when they're growing another human inside of them? Not this girl! I would much rather wake up to Mackenzie crying, "Mama, Mama, Mama" and eventually fall asleep only to wake up three more times because I have to pee... AGAIN. 

4) Doctor's visits are so much more exciting this time.  I get to take my little girl! My baby who's going to be a big sister in less than a year.  It's amazing having her with me at my appointments.  Like when I have to have her straddle my belly while getting an internal.  So comfy! 
Or when she sits in my lap when I have blood drawn.  And it's always fun trying to deliver a urine sample while Mackenzie attempts to mount my legs as I hover over the toilet.  Can't wait for the next sonogram! 

5) But hey, at least I don't have to get all dressed up for these things anymore since I'm not heading into work afterwards.  In fact, I have a free pass to not get dressed up for anything anymore.  No... I get to hang out in my sweats all day long and rarely have to go through the effort of putting on any makeup.  What a life.  It's no wonder those new moms in Mackenzie's music class look at me with such envy.  I bet they're so jealous of me in my stretchy pants and sneakers and the frizzy ponytail that's coming undone on the side of my head.  Yeah, poor them in their skinny jeans and knee-high boots and glossed lips.  Poor, poor them.  (SIGH)

6) Guess what's even better? The people who don't realize I'm pregnant and just think I haven't lost the rest of my baby weight from the first pregnancy.  Yeah... they're super jealous, too.

7) At least I get plenty of exercise.  I mean, there's nothing that works your abs and back quite like hoisting a 24-pound kid out of her crib and the bathtub when you have a bulging belly and round ligament aches and pains.  

8) Hello? Do you hear that? Those are my hormones.  And they are RAGING! I mean, like, dancing their asses off, screaming at the top of their lungs, RAGING! Party of the century.  Happening right here.  In my body.  For the next six months.  All I can say is... I feel sorry for my husband.  And the customer support person at General Electric who didn't quite understand how serious it is to have all my kitchen appliances fail at once.  And the woman who drunk dialed my house three times last weekend.  And the truck driver who cut me off on the highway this morning.  And... (you get the point).  

9) But there are ways to tame my hormones.  Like giving in to food cravings here and there.  Food cravings I didn't have the first time around.  I never knew I could eat half a jar of pickles in one sitting.  Or drink a large McDonald's milkshake three days in a row (Hold the whipped cream. That is SO fattening).  At least there's one thing I won't be chowing down on for awhile:  Chinese food.  Having a second baby will ensure that you won't ever again eat another bite of General Tso's Chicken in your life.  (Excuse me while I go dry heave in the sink.)

10) And finally... The truly best part about being four months pregnant with a 17-month-old.  Not winding down at the end of the day with a nice glass of wine.  Why oh why would I ever want that??? 

1 comment:

  1. congrats on your second!!! i just had mine on Oct 3 and after a month things are kind of settling down.. you make me laugh lots good luck!!!!