Friday, July 29, 2011

Say What? Take these words of wisdom with a grain of salt...

* Silence is golden: Don't get me wrong.  I love a quiet house as much as the next mom.  But unless Mackenzie is napping, a quiet house for me means that my daughter is off on her own doing something she's not supposed to be doing.  
* Actions speak louder than words: True as this may be, I challenge you to a scream-off with my child.

* Be cruel to be kind: Easier said than done when you're face-to-face with a crying child.  And that child happens to be your own flesh and blood.
* Ignorance is bliss: Hack into your kids' Facebook accounts lately? Read their texts? I rest my case.
* Honesty is the best policy: As any mother knows, this is a complete load of crap.  A little white lie every now and again never hurt a mom's street cred.
* There's no sense in crying over spilled milk: Did you breastfeed? Ever spill a bottle? I've said it once and I'll say it again.  That nurse in the maternity ward was spot on.  Breast milk is liquid gold.  People freaking sell that stuff.  Healthy friends share theirs with sick friends.  Spill an ounce and trust me, you'll shed some tears.
* Like mother, like daughter: I'd like to think so.  Except when daughter is making my head spin.  Then it's more like father, like daughter.
* Laughter is the best medicine: I agree with this one wholeheartedly.  But sometimes it doesn't hurt to sneak in a pedicure.
* There's safety in numbers: Unless it's 100 degrees and the spray park has reached its max capacity.  Then it's every man for himself.
* Accidents happen: Try telling that to your pediatrician after your kid takes a tumble off the changing table.  Mother of The Year, I am not.
* All that glitters is not gold: I'd beg to differ when the mom next to me is wearing pricey diamond earrings she got as a "push present".
* Better late than never: Um... I'm pretty sure that "never" is how I found out I was pregnant in the first place. So - despite the fact that I want to tear my eyeballs out on certain days - I'll tip my hat to "never". 
* Cleanliness is next to godliness: I can't believe I'm saying this but sometimes you just have to turn a blind eye to the tornado that swept through your living room and the set-in milk on your child's pajamas. Sleep is of the essence on most occasions. 
* First come, first served: Yeah, this is the fair way to do things.  And I try to be fair.  But if you're subjected to a hissy fit in line at the store, or you're 38 weeks preggers and MUST. PEE. NOW., you may want to pull the Mommy Card and ask the person at the front of the line to do you a solid.  
* Haste makes waste: Screw that.  The faster you can manage a diaper change, the happier everyone is. Especially when your child is trying to make a run for it and you have to pin her down like a mental patient.  
Let the chips fall where they may: A nice sentiment, for sure.  But my girlfriends and I took this advice literally at a sandwich shop and -- as it turns out -- our kids like potato chips so much, they're willing to eat them off the floor.  The floor of a sandwich shop.  Where countless shoes have marked their territory.  So much for trying to control things.  
* Practice what you preach: This is a tough one for any parent.  So I'll put my snarky comments aside and try to be a better role model for my daughter going forward. 
* Variety is the spice of life: You know, I'm not so sure our kids should spend their waking hours going to school, heading off to karate, piano lessons, soccer practice, and art class. And that's just a typical Tuesday for some.  Maybe we're being just a little too pushy.  Remember what it was like to be a kid? To just run around outside with a ball? Play dress-up in your mother's closet? Snuggle up on the couch and read a good book? Just sayin'. 
* One hand washes the other: Not so sure about this one.  I seem to recall doing everything, all day long for Mackenzie.  Not for me.  For Mackenzie.  My life is dedicated to Mackenzie.  The other day I wiped her snotty nose with my t-shirt and you know what she did for me in return?  NOTHING! Hmmm.... 
* You never know what you can do until you try: So you try, right? And then you're like, "Holy crap.  What the hell was I thinking having a kid? I can't do this."  And then you decide to have another and it starts all over again.  
Have any words of wisdom you'd like to share? We welcome your comments! And don't forget to "Like" us on Facebook.  Thanks for reading! 

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