And while I hardly consider myself an expert on the subject, I've discovered that being a mom is all about rolling with the punches and growing with your child.
As Mackenzie starts her second year in the world, I'd like to reflect on all I've learned up to this point...
* Teething is a fucking pain in the ass.
* I'm really going to have to start watching my potty mouth.
* Never go anywhere without Cheerios. Cheerios are your friend.
* Unless your daughter is dressed for afternoon tea with a huge pink bow in her hair, chances are someone, somewhere will think she's a he.
* The Tupperware cabinet in your kitchen serves as the world's greatest playground.
* Accept any and all hand-me-downs.
* If your child eats sand there's only one way it's coming out.
* A penny saved is a penny earned for a fraction of a diaper.
* Working a few days a month is worth the effort if only to pay someone else to clean your house.
* Nap time is mommy time. (and sometimes more!)
* It's never too early for a glass of wine. And as sad as this may sound, be assured, you're not alone.
* Sometimes it's more important to learn from your children than to teach them.
* You can get a solid eight hours of sleep at night and still be exhausted the next morning.
* If you continue to wear maternity jeans just because they're comfortable, chances are you'll continue to eat as if you're still pregnant.
* Sometimes there's no better feeling than letting your hair down at the end of the day.
* Peas, carrots, and blueberries can look the same coming out as they do going in.
* We never needed that damn baby monitor. Sarah Palin can hear Mackenzie from her house.
* Laughter is the best medicine. And watching your child laugh while trying to feed herself string cheese is often just what the doctor ordered.
* The number for poison control is 1-800-222-1222.
* Yo Gabba Gabba is super weird. Tell me again - What makes that guy a DJ?
* Daddy sometimes knows more than Mommy.
* Mom jeans, granny panties, and one-pieces are for sissies.
* You don't need to document each and every moment of your child's life. If you try, it will pass you by.
* Nothing is 100% baby proof.
* Sometimes a hot shower and a swipe of lipstick can make you feel like a whole new woman.
* They don't call it labor for nothing.
* Get the epidural. Stat.
* Take everything you possibly can from the hospital. Especially the aspirator and the disposable undies.
* Grandparents are priceless.
* You can never again complain about tiny boobies once you breastfeed an infant.
* Bowling makes for a perfect date night.
* Arm yourself with baby wipes wherever you go.
* Chocolate-covered Oreos are divine. Fitting into a teeny bikini once again is even more delicious.
* The word "no" is totally overrated.
* My washing machine deserves a bottle of champagne and a steak dinner.
* If you're wondering where your kid hid her shoes, check the toilet first.
* No matter how hard you try, they're not going to eat the prunes.
* Taking one for the team sometimes involves getting elbow deep in a pile of poop.
* There's nothing wrong with having a C-section. Your hoo-hoo will thank you.
* Try to pay attention during the gross-ass 1970's video they show you during your birthing class. It can actually come in handy.
* Use the stretch mark cream. Like, every second of your pregnancy.
* If your kid sees you eating fruits and veggies, chances are they'll want some too.
* Baby clothes come and go... burp cloths last a lifetime.
* There's nothing quite like watching your child walk for the first time.
* You can officially unfriend anyone who calls during nap time.
* When in doubt, turn to Pandora radio's toddler station.
* Whoever said your life ends when you have a kid is a complete and total liar. Your life will change, sure. If you think otherwise then you're a fool. But as a new life begins, your own world evolves into something so magical there are no words to describe it. Happy birthday my sweet Mackenzie. You will forever wow me.
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