Friday, June 17, 2011


I'm actually surprised that I've lived to update the blog this afternoon. 
Hurricane Mackenzie came through with epic force today. 
So much for TGIF -- more like TGI...WTF!?!?!
Someone really ought to make a greeting card for parents that says, "Oh yeah, Congratulations! Your kid turned 1.  You ain't seen nuthin yet."

I actually told someone the other day that things were easier now that Mackenzie started walking.  
What a load of crap that was.  
I figured it was going to be less stressful not having to pick her up and carry her everywhere I went.  But now she seems to want to walk everywhere, which would be great if I had the patience and time to spend six hours getting from Point A to Point B. 
And it seems that walking has brought out Little Miss Mackenzie's independent streak, as she does NOT want her hand held.  Like, ever.  Like, when it probably would be best to hold mommy's hand.  Like, on the sidewalk.  Or near the pool. 
I know that I should welcome this desire to be self-sufficient, but c'mon... she's only 1! It's not like I'm getting anything out of this milestone.  She's not going off to college so I can turn her room into a gym.  She's not getting a job so she can pay for her own clothes! 
And the streak doesn't start and end with walking.  
Mackenzie now wants to eat only if she's feeding herself.  It's a remarkable step for a 12 month old to get a spoon to her mouth, but my kitchen floor has seen better days and I'm getting a little tired of removing oatmeal from Mackenzie's hair. 
Our days definitely go by faster now that she's not just this little blob that eats, poops, and sleeps all day, but I'm ten times more exhausted than I ever was before.  And I honestly didn't think that was possible. 
I mostly just run around the house picking up toilet paper and tupperware and towels, pot holders and potato mashers and paper towel rolls.  These are the items that come flying out of the drawers, cabinets, and closets where they used to remain nice and neatly.  Now my main mission is to be as fast as Mackenzie when it comes to her wreaking havoc on my entire house.  My life has been taken over by a tiny gremlin whose idea of playtime involves... 
* pulling all the toilet paper off of the roll
* throwing anything and everything into the bath tub
* removing all of the shoes from my closet
* picking lint and thread out of the carpet and handing it to me (hey, that actually helps)
* trying to climb into the washing machine and dryer
* opening every dresser drawer within reach and removing nicely folded clothes
* trying to topple nightstands
* not sitting during bath time
* hiding toys under the couch
* climbing stairs
* climbing into the refrigerator and removing beer bottles one by one
* climbing into the dish washer and removing knives one by one
* crawling into any cabinet where potential danger looms (luckily the really dangerous ones are locked - but still...)
We recently received a Fridge Farm Magnetic Animal Set for Mackenzie's birthday and I was elated to discover that this little contraption is a miracle toy to have in your kitchen.  It serves as non-stop entertainment for Mackenzie when she's not trying to stab herself with a cookie cutter or strangle herself with the cord to the electric mixer.   
The pitfall to the Fridge Farm? 
Well, there are two. 
First off, Mackenzie can't seem to allow it to play one song completely through.  She just keeps banging on that stupid music button and the selection changes within seconds.    
Maybe she's preparing for a future as a DJ.  She's pretty good at mixing "She'll Be Coming 'Round the Mountain" and "Oh! Susanna". 
But the worst part about the Fridge Farm is the fact that it randomly mocks me throughout the day! 
I'll be losing my mind, begging Mackenzie to stop tossing napkins and dish cloths all over the kitchen, and suddenly, out of nowhere, that damn farm will quack at me! 
Sometimes it will moo.
Today it oinked, which really set me off. 
Does it think I'm fat???
It's almost as if the farm is saying, "Listen lady, I know you're having a tough day but it just cracks me up to watch you lose your shit on a talking toy."
So Friday, thanks for kicking my ass.  You clearly need to teach my toddler that your day is supposed to be about winding down the week... not winding up mommy. 

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