A Mommy Is Made Again

I'm a planner.
A former news producer.
The type of person who makes lists for other lists for more lists.
My wedding was choreographed to the T -- the DJ was provided a laminated set list and the catering director was given a 3-ring binder outlining the day's events. There were footnotes and asterisks galore.
So naturally when I was "blessed" with a scheduled C-section for this pregnancy, I was elated to have an opportunity to once again put on my producer shoes.
There was a plan in place to ensure that Mackenzie was properly taken care of, that every nook and cranny in my house had been cleaned, that my fridge was abundantly stocked and -- most importantly -- that my toes were perfectly manicured.
As it turns out, nature is the mother of all mothers and Baby # 2 was determined to make his entrance into the world 16 days earlier than his due date and nine days before his scheduled Cesarean birth. All the planning -- regardless of the producer's attention to detail and despite her controlling manner -- went flying out the window as fast as labor progressed.
Braden Douglas Rohrbeck's early arrival meant having our neighbor run over to stay with Mackenzie until my parents arrived, dust bunnies lingering in corners, more condiments than milk in our fridge, and chipped polish on my toenails... a fact I lamented on the operating table as the Obgyn starting cutting.
Alas, all was forgotten once I heard that cry. Tears of joy filled my eyes as my son was lifted in the air all naked and exposed and perfect.
My biggest fear throughout this pregnancy was that I wouldn't have enough love to go around. How can anyone or anything replace the adoration you have for your first born? How do you carry enough love to share it equally among your children? How can the second ever be as special as the first?
My love for Braden began long before he made his grand entrance into the world. There's nothing quite like the experience you have as a mother carrying your baby in the womb. The bond you feel is instantaneous and only grows stronger with time. But I still had my doubts. How would I ever be able to love someone the way I love Mackenzie?
As I held Braden for the first time I realized that -- indeed -- we are built with an unlimited capacity for unconditional, unwavering, undying love for all of our children. The only thing that changes with a new baby is the size of our hearts, which make room for more love.