Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Baby Wait

Becoming a parent requires a lot of patience... of which I have none. 
I couldn't wait to be done with my pregnancy... (Mostly because I couldn't wait to have a beer and a hot dog)
I couldn't wait for the nursery to be done... (Mostly because I'm OCD and need order in my life or else I'll self combust)
I couldn't wait for Mackenzie to do something more than sleep and eat... to develop her own personality, for her to recognize me as her mommy, for the day that she bumped her head and turned to ME for comfort and consolation.  
Well, that ship has come and gone and now I'm wondering what the hell I was thinking!

All this waiting and waiting... and then, BOOM! It hits you upside the head like nothing you've ever known. 
Your little blob has grown into a little person, filled with curiosity, mischief, and humor. 
The wait is over in an instant and suddenly your baby has a mind of her own and you find yourself longing for the days of eat-poop-sleep. 
Shedding the baby "wait" has turned me into a broken record, and I now find myself spitting out the same word over and over and over again... 
NO ~ You can't climb into the toilet bowl.
NO ~ We're not going to fall down the stairs today.
NO ~ Don't push the other baby. 
NO ~ It's not nice to pull mommy's hair. 
NO ~ We don't eat our own poop. 
NO ~ You're not going to sky dive off the changing table today. 
NO ~ You can't lick the washing machine/dish washer/refrigerator/or any other appliance that shows your reflection. 
NO ~ That's not your toy.  Stop eating Sarah's toy.  Give Sarah her toy back. Stop crying because I made you give Sarah her toy.
NO ~ We do not bite or pinch. 
NO ~ You can't cry when I say "no." 
NO ~ You can't laugh when I say "no."
NO ~ That plastic bag/extension cord/ceramic vase/door stopper/remote control/glass coaster is not a toy.
NO ~ We don't eat the laundry/the garbage/the Sunday coupons/the paper towels/the soap/the shampoo/the lint on the rug. 
NO ~ You can't unravel the entire roll of toilet paper and wrap yourself like a mummy. 
NO ~ You can't try to dismantle the baby safety gate. 
NO ~ The bath is for sitting, not for standing. 
NO ~ Food goes in your mouth, not on the floor. 
NO ~ The sippy cup isn't a watering hose. 
NO ~ This is mommy's wine. 
NO ~ We can only read the bedtime book 5 times, not 12. 
NO ~ There's nothing tasty about the bottom of my shoe. 
NO ~ You can't lunge at every pair of boobies you see.
NO ~ You can't rip "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo" to shreds. I haven't read it yet. 
NO ~ We're not going to take all your clothes out of the closet right now. 
NO ~ Eating the computer paper will cut your tongue. 
NO ~ You can't stick that pen in your eye.
NO ~ You can't spend your life naked. 
NO ~ That man is not your dada (ok - I made that one up!) 
NO, NO, NO... 
At the end of the day I often find myself thinking that I'm a terrible mother for scolding my child for 12 straight hours and telling her what she CAN'T do.  After all, isn't this supposed to be the time where she explores her environment and learns to utilize all of her senses? 
Won't I hamper her progress if I send negative vibes her way?
PUHLEEESE!  Save all the Feng Shui and Tai Chi crap for someone else.  
The way I was raised, "no" meant "no" and while I don't remember everything that happened while I was crawling my way into the toddler years, I do know that I never felt stifled by my parents or the rules that they imposed.  
That is... until I was a teenager.  
Lord help us. 

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